I am beginning to think my body absolutely hates me.

Yes, I know that weight tends to go up a bit when you start working out again... but this is INSANE. I didn't even want to write about it in here because I find it frustrating and embarrassing.

So I've started working out again, stopped drinking sodas over a week ago, stopped buying the candy, no pies, cut the pasta intake in half... and I went from 161 to 165. I think I may be in the week before my cycle... I've lost track again... but goddamn it! I'm feeling the extra weight in my waist and I haven't felt this ungainly in two years.

I learned that me and carbs just do not mix!

Ok, Ok, solutions...
I'm going to cut out the watermelon. I actually get all bloated after eating it, its the weirdest thing, almost like an allergic reaction. So I'll stick to my daily apple (I eat it with an ounce of cheese and sliced deli turkey). I do know I am coming under my required protein intake so I absolutely must correct that. I'm going to cut the pasta again and make that a once a week treat. Going to use my South Beach diet book to fill the pantry and make some good meals for the family.

I went and bought 3 lb handweights and will be doing the 8 minute workout DVDs I have for abs, arms, and legs. This will actually be fun because Logan likes to do workouts with me.

I've been walking in the rain just to get in my 2 miles before I pick my daughter up at her bus stop. Yesterday was rain free, though, and very hot. I felt great to get out there and sweat. Daughter and I are talking about going out to Yokohama and seeing if we can find Chinatown. We'll have Logan with us, otherwise I'd try for Harajuku, but I'm afraid of getting lost on the train. Hubby has to work and he's always the one who has figured out where we are going and how to get there. I get really turned around at the stations!


September is going to suck... all my indulging is out the fucking window! Need to stop telling myself that since I've lost so much weight that its ok to have this or that.... it'd be fine if I stopped at that one thing, but it does NOT. I'm back to the old way of doing things-- losing and gaining the same ten pounds. Been doing it for a year now. you'd think I'd frickin' get it already!

OK I GET IT.

And other bad news....
Hubby made so much last year that I qualify for just one federal loan, which was only enough to pay for the three classes I signed up for-- which mewans no school this year.
Good news....
I get to use his G.I. Bill next year! YAY! No more loans!

Good news....
Logan had a pre-eval meeting with a speech pathologist and they were set to discuss him in their business meeting on Thursday. They'll make a decision on where to send him next for evaluating and then decide if he qualifies for special education. I think he does, but we'll see what the experts think and what they can offer him for help.

Logan has become more vocal since he started going to the hourly care preschool room at the daycare center. I've been taking him a few days a week from 2-5pm (this is the time I use to walk and hang out with my daughter when I pick her up from school). The socialization seems to be doing great things! This week he has said "window", "flying car" (we watch Harry Potter movies and he loves Chamber of Secrets), "Mommy, no more." He also says "Blue's Clues" and of course, none of these phrases are perfectly clear, but we understand them.

Daughter is in high school and is in two honors classes this year. She decided to challange herself. I hope she really applies herself because she really is a bright young lady. I can't bear another year of F's and D's and being blamed for it. ARGH! Teens!!! She's also on a diet kick and is working with me on food choices. She's starting to make some friends, or at least becoming friendly with other girls her age, and its a nice thing to see her full of stories when she comes off that bus.

Daughter has also agreed to help me with my hair for the ball.

Later!

I found my dress and just ordered it: Alex Evenings One Shoulder Gown. I like it for several reasons. Love the color, its not 'promish' and could definately be worn somewhere else (night on the Riverwalk with hubby perhaps?), and it drapes enough that it should cover my excess skin problem around my middle, so I can wear a girdle underneath and not look like a sausage. Size ordered is a Size 10 Petite and you bet your ass I will be working out from this day forward to make sure my bod fits in that dress. I've printed off a picture to tape to the fridge.

Took daughter to her high school to meet her counselor. I can tell she is really nervous about this year because she started throwing 'tude right after we left and was basically a sulky little wench the rest of the day. Usually I'd get all irate and start bitchin' myself, but I ignored it this time. Things will be so much better once she hits the school and makes more friends.


We installed a VoIP phone which allows us to have a Texas phone number and make free long distance phone calls for $30 a month. My parents and grandmother can call for free and my sister can as well on her phone. My son will be able to contact us with his cellphone on nights and weekends for no charge and we all know I'll be burning up the phone lines checking on him. He's still struggling, but I think being able to vent to me on the phone might at least make his burden feel lighter.

I'm so amazed that August is almost over!

Oh shit I almost forgot! I saw these great Lee jeans-- At the Waist Relaxed Straight Leg-- and bought them. I purchased a size 10 Petite (one of the reasons I picked them up, I rarely see petite jeans!) and plan on getting into those by Yule. I tried them on a bit ago and holy crap!!! If it weren't for the excess skin/blubber around my abdomen, I'd fit in those fuckers! My ass looked frickin' AWESOME. So I was jostlin' all that blubber (which I can barely wait to get rid of next year!) and was able to button the top, but couldn't zip them up (because some blubber was still in the way!). I know this... extra stuff gets smaller the more I lose, so I look forward to be able to get into those jeans, even with my gut in the way. Grrrr... I look forward to that tummy tuck!!!

I also hate when I exercise and I can hear my skin slapping against each other. Fuck.

As if I didn't need another reason to be motivated to get back on track and lose the final thirty pounds, hubby called me from work and reminded me that the Navy Ball is October 4th. I have always avoided going to these things, mostly due to embarrasment over my size and knowing I'd hate every dress I could find that would actually fit me.

This year is differant, however. We are going and the tickets are purchased and we're setting up the childcare. Today I started the online search for evening gowns and I have found a few I'm intersted in enough to show them to hubby. I have to order one very soon, since we have to allow for shipping time and then be able to get to the tailor for a proper fitting if there is a problem. Which, of course there will be, especially with how weird my body is now. I'll most likely be wearing my girdle, which is fine, since I haven't had a chance to wear it and I might as well use it some time. Although I can't find a ballgown here in Japan (that's affordable and in my size), at least I can go shoe shopping!

I am a little worried about my hair. I'm growing it out and have decided not to cut it short anymore. So its all funky and I know nothing about hairstyling. I bet my daughter could flat iron it for me, though. At least it will have another half inch of growth by the ball.

So right after posting this I have to do my measurements, which will be good both for ordering the proper dress size, but also seeing any changes in my body in case my weigh keeps fluctuating as much as it is.

Our daughter has her counseling appointment at the high school on Zama in the morning and then her braces evaluation on Friday. She's nervous and excited about getting back to school and meeting more people. I'm happy for her, too.

I'm nervous about the algebra class I am taking and the biology stuff. I think I'll be ok if I make sure I study as much as I did when I was at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. God, I miss that place.

I am not sure what happened but I went from 153 all the way up to 163.5 and today I weighed in at 161.2. I've looked over my intake and the one thing that does keep coming up is salt and not taking in enough water. I also did splurge on a cherry pie while I was sick and on my cycle.... hmmm, but I don't think that would make me gain ten freaking pounds! I'm still fitting into the size 12 shorts (tighter though), so I'm going to chalk it up to not enough liquids and too much salt. Yes, I did start walking again and that can cause holding on to fluids, too.

I will be honest and say that HELL YEAH I freaked a bit.

I also noted an increase... okay, major increase in carb intake. I found I can eat angelhair pasta and I've been eating it everyday for the last couple weeks. Going to have to restrict that as well. I also started buying caffeine free Coke Classic and was drinking about 16 ounces over the span of a day. So, going to wean off of that stuff.

I purchased decaf tea and green tea to replace the sodas. I purchased Splenda/Sugar blend and I am really pleased with it. Very little aftertaste and it takes so little to sweeten the tea. I'm placing a request card wth the commissary for items like Fuze and Wyler's sugar free Raspberry Ice drinks as well. Maybe in a couple months I can add that to the pantry.

I miss being on base and can't wait to get back. I was really enjoying walking around everywhere. Now I drive up there just to walk the track-- it is not safe in our neighborhood to walk with our little one and I don't feel like getting hit by a car. Sidewalks are non-existant in our neighborhood.

So, going over my intake with a fine tooth comb and getting rid of items I know I can't handle. Pringles makes these great chips with Szechuan (?) seasoning and I can't say no to just a serving so they are banned from the house. No more cherry pies, either. I'm now keeping track of how much water I'm taking in and writing down the calories and protein intakes, too.

My eating went haywire as soon as we moved off base away from everyone and hubby went back to work. I'm feeling a bit isolated. So I'm going to work on calling up the ladies I know and getting out of this house and hanging out with people. School starts for me soon, too and I think having that will be a great distraction.

We are still waiting to hear from the speech therapist for Logan. It may take a while. I'll keep bothering the school, though.

Other than that, I'm obssessing over what the heck I want to be when I grow up. I'm looking at nursing, law school, English grad school...

I wish I would wake up knowing what I want. I envy people who know in their gut what they want to do.

Right after my last post I got sick AGAIN. I am not sure what's up with the environment here, or it just could be with Logan and hubby out and about I'm being exposed to more bacteria, but I keep getting sick and its pissing me off.


I did go back to the track today, now that I can breathe without my nose killing me. I did two miles and I could easily have gone farther, which suprised the hell outta me, seeing that I haven't worked out in two weeks.

Tonight I finally started putting Logan to bed awake and oh boy, he was not happy at all. He took about 40 minutes to calm down and finally go to sleep, so the little bugger didn't start sleeping until 11:15pm. Yes, I know, that is awful late for a little boy to be up, but considering the last three days I've been stuck sitting up with him at 3 and 4 in the morning, I'll frickin' take a 10:30 bedtime for now! Our worst problem here is that we have such a fluid schedule and its honestly not going to work when we all start school in a couple weeks.

Tomorrow I hope to finally get back in contact with Logan's speech therapist and set up his evaluation and get his school registration started. Since Logan went to bed so late I'm not dropping him off at daycare/school until probably 9, so I'll kill three hours on base running errands. The first is hitting the elementary school to find the therapist, going to the University of Maryland office to fax some paperwork to the registration office, pay our Japanese electric bill, and then I think I will walk two miles on the track again.

Logan and our daughter start school August 25th, the same day I start as well. I have Human Biology and a lab, pre-algebra [not so keen on math], and a library research course [easy]. My classes are ten weeks then I get to choose three more. I want to do three each term so I can hurry up and finish this damn Bachelor's degree already. I have about two years and a couple months, which isn't bad. I do miss my UNL campuse though. *sigh*

Living out in town we are learning that Japanese neighbors like to get all up in each other's business. We have some that like to see what we are throwing away in the trash. If they think we are throwing away the 'wrong thing' on a particular day ( we have particular days for recycling efforts), they will bring your trash to your door and chatter away at you. I've had to explain that the plastic bags (a recyclable product that is normally thrown out seperately) in a bag for combustible pickup had poopy diapers in them and that's why they were in the combustible bag. I had to show a Japanese neighbor how I have the plastic bags normally seperated from regular trash, along with seperate bins for glass jars, aluminum cans, and steel cans (which all must be handwashed before recycling). After showing that, I haven't had any problems, but hubby has started taking our trash to recycle on base. That doesn't bother me any, since our base makes money off of it, but having people looking at our trash really pissed him off. And he wasn't even here to deal with it!

One of our American neighbors had their back windshield broken by someone. We're pretty sure it was kids on their way to school in the mornings, since hubby leaves at 4:30am and there was nothing wrong with our neighbor's car then. It was most likely an accident since no one else had damage to their car. What a pain in the ass though!

I often buy my watermelon from a local grocer. Their locally grown watermelon is DIVINE. I would buy on base, but they ship in watermelon from Mexico that's pretty much thawing out and I mostly find that they are overripe and just nasty. So instead of paying $8 for watermelon on base, I've been buying them for 2500 yen. $25 in US Currency. Once I even paid $29. They last me about 4 days. I know it seems nuts, but I absolutely will not give up watermelon. I'll be really missing it during the winter. I keep hoping that they have greenhouse ones here that I can buy.

With that... I'm going to sit and eat some watermelon and read a book.