Good stuff to write about today.

This morning my mother and I picked up my oldest son's girlfriend at the Nashville airport. He had no clue she was coming for the holidays. His stunned look when he found her in his room was just so classic that I didn't stop grinning for a couple hours. The two of them haven't stopped smiling since I picked him up from work and he strolled in the house and found her.

Although I seem to be gaining and losing the same 5 pounds, this evening I tried on some new dresses I purchased a bit ago. Much to my shock, three of the four fit better now than they did three months ago. One is still way too tight, but obviously will fit with a loss of another 15 pounds. Even with it too tight it still looked great (its got a 1940s cut too it) and I look forward to wearing it in Japan. Last week I finally fell to temptation and purchased a dress I had my eye on since September. Luckily, JCPenney's had it on sale for 50% off, so I was able to get a $70 dress for $35. Its a size 10 and it FITS wonderfully. Its the one I will wear when I pick up my husband in January.

Today we also went to the Opry Mills mall in Nashville and I picked up a black wool pea coat that was orginally $109 and purchased it for 60% off at $49. Its my first 'grown up' coat and the second coat in the last 15 years that wasn't bought at a thrift store or a handmedown jacket from my husband. Its cut short at the waist, so its not a coat I need to wear with my dresses (I plan on buying more skirts and such soon), so I had my eye out for a wool long coat, especially since I had money left over from my coat budget since we stumbled on the sale at Petite Sophisticate. I found one in a very nice grey wool for about $60. So not only do I have a brand new winter coat, I have them in two styles I can change whenever I please.

My food intake is better and I found Sierra Mist Free as my replacement soda. I'm also drinking more water and moving a bit more (but still not consistant). I'm going to take my measurements again so that I can use them as I start working out again because I'm worried I'll freak out once I start back and see my weight go up again. As long as something is moving, I'm good. Trying on the dresses and seeing how much better they fit today was a huge relief and really helped me feel better.

My husband sent me my holiday gift and I can't wait to see it. Its from Zales and its sitting in the shipping box it came in. I'm not even tempted to look since I have just two gifts to unwrap (one is from my son's girlfriend). We're also happy that hubby received his presents in the mail already and he's very excited to have something to open.

I had a great day today. Looking forward to tomorrow!

After a couple days of absolutely horrid eating (I'm going to blame my monthly cycle on this because I CAN), I've stripped the kitchen of the naughty stuff (mini powdered donuts, what was I thinking?!).

I did notice that if I had been working out like I was a couple months ago that I'd be just fine with the intake. My problem is slipping into complacency and wanting to reward myself with food. Its a very bad habit. I really do think that started with the diets I had that had 'free' days.

Now, I have to report that I have not been to the gym this week and I have a really good reason. Logan got sick and then my mother got sick which left me no one to watch my little one. What's that? Why doesn't my 13 year old daughter watch him? Let me share why...

I left Logan in the care of his sister last week while I picked up their older brother from work. My daughter had a friend spending the night, which usually works out really well, because Logan loves hanging out with his sister and her friends. So when I arrived a bit early to pick up the oldest from work at the mall, I went ahead and went inside and hit the Dollar Store for snacks (YES I GOT CANDY OK GAWD!) for everyone (..yeah including me...) and then looked around my son's store (Gamestop). It took us 40 minutes before we returned home.

I walked in the front door and Logan wasn't in the livingroom watching Spongebob and as I moved towards the hallway I noticed my daughter's door was closed. I'm thinking "Cool, they're in there' and as I walked towards her bedroom I passed the bathroom and heard splashing. My heart leapt into my throat and I heard my oldest gasp behind me. Then I hear a "Hi Momma!" from Logan who was in the bathtub ALL BY HIMSELF.

My oldest rushed past me into his sister's room as I ran into the bathroom to check on Logan. I was incensed and horrified. Not only had she left him in a half-filled tub of water, she'd also left all the shampoos and soaps they use on the bathtub's sides. He was actually playing with them. I could hear my oldest son's voice booming from his sister's room as he screamed at her and then my daughter ran into the bathroom and if it wasn't bad enough, she then said " I forgot he was in here!"

Holy fuck, someone is going to die.

After a hell of a lot of screaming (withher daying "Well, he didn't die!", I got Logan out of the tub and wrapped him in t a towel. She said she put him in there because he was sticky with something. I thought maybe that was a lollipop he had earlier. As I sat with him in the livingroom, I felt something underneath my foot. It was sticky and liquid... and then my eye spied it. A trail through the livingroom, dining area, and the kitchen where I found a mostly empty bottle of syrup.

We cleaned floors and carpets for awhile then I went to sit on the couch and noticed...he'd dumped the last of the bottle out on the couch. *sigh*

I ate a lot of candy that night.

So, no... I don't feel comfortable trusting my 13 year old. She's lucky she isn't dead.

I wish I could say that I have worked out like a fiend. I can't, unless you can count stuffing my face with no-nos is a workout. I'm up another three pounds. I talked to hubby about a bit of self-hate I'm indulging in (with a dash of chocolate) and he calmed me down a bit.

I thought I could handle the holidays and its temptations, but its obvious I still struggle. I'm still just like millions of women out there who each week reset their goals and attempt to motivate themselves to get through the next week and follow their eating plan.

I sat down today and went over my intake and noticed a few things that were a bit off, so when I headed to the grocery store, I double checked a few items. I know this may sound silly, but I had a bit of an epiphany while watching The Biggest Loser. One of the particiapants, B, was having a bit of trouble with his weightloss and his trainer figured out he was using some high sodium stuff with his food. She then put him on a sodium restriction of about 900 milligrams a day.

At the commercial, I went and checked my beef jerky. I've been putting away 2 bags a day lately (boredom/lonely eating) and I realized that each bag is roughly 1800 milligrams of sodium, which meant that I was taking in 3600 mg just with the jerky. With the unavoidable fact that I am not drinking even the minimum of my required liquids (yes, I'm a bonehead), its no wonder that my body is refusing to budge with water weight and is protecting all its got. Add the lack of consistant exercise and the inclusion of sweets and carbs in the last couple months that I had not touched until almost my one year surgiversary.... recipe for disaster!

To help cut the sodium, I've switched to the beef jerky that has the lowest amount and I'm restricting myself to a bag a day with the intent to start taking in other protein rich mini-meals so that I start taking in just an ounce of the jerky a day.

One of the other things I noticed about my intake (that didn't involve candy) was that I was taking in about three times more in cheese than I thought. Which translates into more calories and fat. So I went and bought the packaged 1 oz cheese sticks to control my servings-- and I made sure to get the 2% milk versions.

To cut calories, well, the candy has to go. I've already talked to my kids and they are on board aobut not bringing it into the house and to help me stop beyond a serving on those occasions (like at grandma's house) that we do have some around. I'm also on the search for a diet soda that actually tastes ok to replace the caffeine free Coke Classic I've been drinking... or I need to regulate how many of those I can have each week. I've caught myself drinking two in a day and its a really slippery slope after that. I also made sure to purchase more sugar free Wyler's (Raspberry Ice is very good) and Minute Maid Lemonade (which has a high sodium content, so I may have to give that up or restrict that as well).

Hubby think he may be home January 15th for about 9 days. Which is great because he would be here for our son's 20th birthday. So I have 6 weeks to lose 10 pounds so that I see 146 pounds. That would be great and I KNOW I am capable of it. I just need to stop being so lazy and complacent with myself. Yes, I'm feeling good about how I look, but I am not where I want to be yet... so I can't give up on myself.

I've been lazy about this journal, now,too. A part of it is shame... I'm embarrassed by my own actions because they are so reminiscent of what I did when I was miserable and morbidly obese. I'm not that depressed woman anymore so I should stop slipping into the habits she used to repeat. Another part is that I often feel I don't have anything interesting to say, but then again, this isn't really entertainment, is it? I practically lived in here when my life was falling apart. No reason I can't put forth the same energy when my life is looking so very good.

Picking up a pilates dvd and mat, being diligent about my food intake from here on out, begin weightlifting (YES I AM) three times a week for the next six weeks, and let's see what happens, shall we?