Who called it that I wouldn't get to the gym?

My mother is on a holiday high, so she's very intent on having us at their house as much as possible. With our pending move to Japan, she's also become a bit melancholy, so I do go over there whenever she asks. I've only said no to her once, a couple days ago, due to a nasty headache and I felt horribly guilty. She helped foster tath feeling a little bit, although I know she understood. Yesterday I spent the entire day with her and ended up going out to dinner with them, then picking up my oldest from work and then ended up back at their house. Mom was smart enough to insist on taking one vehicle, so I had no way out, and she got us for most of the evening as well. Since I had to get home to wait for hubby to call, the gym was out.

Yesterday's intake:
895 calories
12 fat
90 Protein
117 carbs

The majority of the carbs came from a mini-watermelon I ate throughout the day and a bit of hot cocoa I used to have a protein drink last night. The majority of my protein intake comes from Jack Link's brand beef jerky. I eat a bag a day (a serving three times a day). At 80 calories and 15 grams of protein per serving, its a great source, although the sodium is high.

I have a feeling I might not see the gym until Friday.

I'm just so pissed at myself.

I weighed in this morning at 155, yet again, since my weight bounces back and forth from that and 153.

I've been the same weight since JULY... although I have lost 8" since then.

I can get into small shirts, but my lower half hasn't caught up to the top part of my body and the shirts are too tight at the waist for me to wear. Which sucks big time because I was given several pretty sweaters by my mother's friend and they are mostly small.

I will admit I've been eating things like tootsie rolls and other candy during this holiday and those extra calories aren't helping! I had been drinking one caffeine free Coke Classic a day, but when I caught myself drinking a second one several days in a row, I cut it out a couple days ago. I need to still work on the temptation problems I have and the mindless eating I was/am prone to. Not buying anymore candy and soda will help. Gee, right there I can easily cut 300 calories a day out.

*sigh*

I feel like a failure today. I'm so disappointed with myself.

Going to just redo my goals, break it down, cut out this bad behavior and REALLY start the weightlifting. Its the missing component. I enjoy my walks a lot, so much so that when I'm don walking I convince myself I don't need to go do the weights. Sure, I still break a sweat when I am done, but I'm really not building any muscle to keep that metabolism up and the calories burning. I'm also running into the problem that as soon as I step into the weightlifting area I get so irritated and pissed. I have no clue why, but its enough that I leave the area gritting my teeth. I honestly feel like having a temper tantrum when I am in there. Maybe I'm losing my mind.

Logan is over his cold, I just need to get past these sinus headaches. I'm on day three, which coincides with the poor weather we are having here.

So...plan is some weightlifting TONIGHT, even if I can just grin and bear it through a lower body workout. Also going to log in at fitday again. I tried a couple other sites online and I prefer Fitday (thanks anyway Janean!).


Grrr... I'm just so mad.

Logan picked up a babydoll at a local consignment shop where I was looking for used clothes to purchase. He has been treating some stuffed animals we have as babies lately, so my mom went ahead and bought the doll for him. He now makes sure you tuck it in when he goes to bed and you have to kiss the baby, too, when you kiss him goodnight. My mother seemed a bit freaked out that the doll was black (WHY?) and bought him a white babydoll at the local dollar store. He prefers the black one. Anway, we always tell Logan he's a good Daddy when we see him kissing it, hugging it,and patting its head. It closes its eyes when you lay it down, so he will run up to us and "sssshhhh"ush us so we don't wake it.

I'm still in a funk. I haven't exercised for a week, since Logan got sick I couldn't take him to the daycare at the gym. I know I could have asked my mom, but honestly, I'm loathe to ask her for help all the time. Of course, she tells me she wants to watch him more.... I just don't want to feel like more of a mooch than I already do. Then again, she does have only the next 6 months with him before we leave. Maybe I do need to ask her for help more often.

Hubby was chosen for some secret squirrel stuff at GITMO, which is awesome for him because its quite an honor to work for this particular unit. Its the unit he wanted originally, so he's really ecstatic about it. Unfortunately, it means housing changes for him as well as security changes-- he must house with the guards in this unit only and they are not allowed to socialise much with the others in the area. From now on we know for a fact someone is listening to our phone calls, which will be weird, and more scrutiny on his internet access. He's unsure if he will have it in his new housing, as the rumor is that unit isn't allowed it. I know exactly what he's doing (and with who), even though he couldn't say anything. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. I am extremely proud of him and happy that he got what he wanted... just sad that it will cut our contact further.

Who am I to complain, though, really. He's not on the battlefield, like the husbands and wives I see on Fort Campbell. I know he's in an extremely secure facility and that the worse thing that could happen to him is to get piss & shit thrown on him (yep, its happened) or to be bitten. He follows all protocals so our family is not in danger (unlike one poor guard who has now had to enter the witness protection program with his family) and he's not going to lose a limb or anything (although one guard has lost a thumb). Castro's not going to attack anytime soon and I doubt he's got Al Quieda cells hiding in Havana.... so our family has it good.

I'm just lonely.

This what the fuck moment is brought to you by Halloween 2007.

Logan was a nattily dressed spider for Halloween. He had a great time and walked until his little legs couldn't take it anymore, at which point we grabbed the stroller when we returned to our neighborhood (we started in my parents's area). We did several more streets after that and called it a night. He did try to awalk into people's homes at first, thinking that we were visiting new people. I've realized he is beginning to lose his shyness and is more willing to greet and 'talk' to strangers. He's a very positive little boy, like my other two, so right now I'm breathing a sigh of relief. He could have been a hellion, although we do still have the rest of his life for that.

I'm beginning to prepare for my husband's next visit home, which will be in mid-January. Since I completely gave up doing anything in October, I'm back in the saddle and will concentrate on losing another 18 pounds, which would put me at 135 when he gets home. I'm hoping to use this month to lose the bulk of it, shotting for 8 pounds, so I hope to end this month sitting pretty at 145. Its a tall order, but I've been coasting the past couple months and a return to a strictor regimen will probably jumpstart the loss again. I have this great tool and now I'm going to wield it with fervor.

Right this minute I'm drinking my first bottle of water. I'm shooting for 80 ounces each day now... when I've honestly been taking in just 30somthing a day in the past couple months. No wonder my body became stubborn. Oh yeah, don't forget the addition of the yummy Halloween candy.

So I am doing 80 ounces of water and trying to take in no more than 1200 calories with 80 grams of protein being a daily goal. For an RNY-er, its a generous portion of calories. You just have to really make yourself stop when you grab those easy to eat snacks (like Tootsie Rolls- they are the bane of my existance!).

I've worked out almost every day this week, taking a break yesterday. Today its yard work and a walk with Logan.

I've decided to start scouring the internet for some toddler-friendly daily lessons that I can do with him at home. I thought I also might start introdusing a couple of Japanese words as well, for both of us to learn. I do wonder if it will just confuse him though. Anyone with bilingual kids? How would you handle it? Hmmm... maybe its time to visit the Rice Daddies and ask how they handled teaching their children two languages (if they did).

Time to go clean the house (again) and get ready to take my oldest to his job. He works at both Gamestop and the movie theater-- today's shift is at the theater. I've moved the car seat into the Oldsmobile (which my oldest loves to death) so that when we need an errand run, its my oldest who is driving. He's getting a lot of practice now.

Have a great weekend everyone!