I'm so happy today.

My husband was promoted! I'm so proud of him, he worked really hard and studied well. This means a huge shift in our income and our prospects for duty stations.

Other good news...

My oldest son found a job. He starts next week.
My daughter brought up her grades enough to not flunk, so she was promoted to eighth grade. I'm frustrated beyond belief by her attitude with school. I am hopeful this will not be repeated next year, or she will live the year like she has for the last two months-- no phone, no internet, no friends. I even removed the phone and television from her room. She isn't getting them back, either.

Weight shifted a little teensy bit, so I am hoping I can get to 158 by the 1st. Will work real hard this week to see it happen. I don't think I can handle much more of this plateau!

Just been busy with talking to hubby on Yahoo messenger before his shifts, going to the YMCA for workouts (5 times a week now, shifting up to six times a week on the 1st), mowing the lawns...chasing Logan. Also playing EverQuest 2 for a few hours in the evenings if I can get Logan to bed before 10.

Things are good here.

Going to report in on my eating from yesterday.
Protein: 94 grams
Fat: 34.5
Calories: 1260

The protein is exactly where I want it to be, especially since I did not use a protein drink yesterday. The calories and fat are a bit higher than I want and I know exactly why. I've realized I can eat Tootsie Rolls (and other things) in small quantities throughout the day. It really does add up. If I had cut out just one serving of the Tootise Rolls (I had 2 servings through the day) and the dinner roll I snacked on last night, my calories would have been 1030 for the day. Now, since I'm weightlifting I probably can use these calories, but by giving up the serving of candy and the bread, my fat intake would have dropped to 29 grams. I also should have found a better snack alternative to the candy, like almonds, but I caved at the store and went for the Tootsie Rolls. I'm glad I started writing this stuff down, because I may have grabbed more of them to eat if I could have ignored it. Anxiety eating I am still working on.

I am happy to report that I weightlifted through the soreness and walked an hour yesterday. Today will be no weightlifting and I am mowing the lawns and trimming for my exercise. I am eating my bnreakfast as I write this: a serving of sliced roasted turkey with a low-fat cheddar & mozarella twist cheese stick (calorie total is 120, protein is 19 gram, fat is 3.5). I will report today's intake amounts this evening.

Another bad, bad habit I've acquired is eating really late at night. I'll be eating something perfectly fine for my body, but its at 11pm or right before bed. Naughty! Must really work on that as well. I've been using the excuse that I need to get my protein in, but as I saw last night, I had 84 grams of protein in by 9pm and didn't really need to snack on a serving of beef jerky before bad last night.

Ok, time to finish up breakfast and head outside to mow the lawn.

I am still dealing with the plateau. I waver between 159-161.5 now. I did ramp up my exercise routine (my thighs are extremely sore from Thursday's workout, but I have to do it again today). Today I grabbed an old notebook and decided to keep track of my protein intake, calories, and fat for the next few days and see what's going on there. Its very possible that I'm not taking in enough of each with my increased exercise and its helping my body stubbornly hold on to the fat. I am quite aware that I'm definately not drinking more than the minimum in liquids, so I'll be working on that as well.

So, in a bid to not go insane out of frustration, I will list some positive stuff I've been thinking about lately.

I weigh less than when we got married 14.5 years ago. I was 21 years old.
The last time I weighed this my son was 5 years old.
My daughter has never seen me at this weight. She called me pretty a few days ago.
I felt pretty a couple days ago.
My husband sent me an email telling me he was very proud of me and wouldn't care if I didn't lose another pound.
I can walk an hour and ten minutes and then weightlift for another 30 minutes.
I no longer worry I will break a plastic chair if I sit in it.
I can cross my legs.
I can wear my 19 year old son's t-shirts. His dad's t-shirts are too big.
I put on a medium sized t-shirt that my daughter got from her middle school.
I no longer have to buy the wide size in shoes. Which means a hunt for some kick ass running shoes will commence in a month-- going to the Nike store in Nashville at Opry Mills mall.
My husband keeps bringing up our last night spent together because I could do some things I hadn't tried in 14 years. I'd forgotten how flexible I really am. Of course now he's 'joking' about me making him some naughty videos (not going to happen!).
I am learning what my eating triggers are-- anxiety and boredom.
My husband asked to renew our vows. Never thought that would happen.
Although I still by habit go to the Plus Size section in stores, I can't wear any of it.
I have so many more clothing choices. It is a little overwhelming. Can't wait for our GITMO bennies to hit so I can shop with no guilt.
I can mow the lawns and not feel like I'm going to die. I do not even have to take a break.
The people I meet now have no clue I have been morbidly obese. I no longer wonder what they are thinking about me.
I am not morbidly obese. Just obese. Now I get to work on being just overweight.
I can watch myself lift weights in the mirrors at the Y and not grimace. I enjoy it. I especially like seeing the armpits of my shirts soaked with sweat. Who'da thunk?
I'm not scared to leave my house.
I am not depressed.
I am just 40 pounds from goal. That's all. Not 120, or 100, or 90. Just 40.
I can say just 40 without feeling like crying. I no longer think its impossible.
I am no longer in emotional or physical pain. Life is good.

For Mother's Day my oldest son paid to have my ears repierced. I had to remove my earrings for my C-Section in 2005 and in all the hubub of newborn baby madness and recupping from surgery, I never put my earrings back in. So they closed up sometime in the last two years. I am looking forward to buying jewelry now. I discussed this with my mother today, how I used to not be interested in pretty things for myself because I really didn't feel like I deserved it because I was fat. Which is pretty damned stupid, because every time I saw a gorgeously dressed fat woman with well-done hair, manicured nails, and great clothes, NOT ONCE did I ever think she didn't deserve it. I envied her. So, to all us fatties out there... don't deny yourself the pleasure of pretty clothes, shiny baubles, and kick ass hair. We're worth every damn cent.

Every time I think my plateau is over, the scale decides to give me a mindfuck. So I think I am going to stay off of it this week because I'm letting it get to me. I have worked out every day this week and shouldn't be sitting here feeling like a failure, even if its just a little bit. My clothes are fitting better, which makes me really happy. When I am walking at the Y, I keep my stomach tight and I can feel the waistband of my capris moving loosely...and I feel fit. I get a thrill knowing that I'm wearing 12/14 shirts and pants. Isn't that the average American woman's size? I need to check on that in the morning.

Oh, and Logan has a little girlfriend... the 21 month old irl next door. Her name is Logan, too. How wild is that?

Hubby was able to call for a little bit and made my day. I usually hear about how much he misses the kids. Tonight though it was how much he missed me and how much he'd been thinking about us. Then he asked if I wouldn't mind having a wedding ceremony and marrying him again next summer. It was terribly sweet and of course I said yes. He will have 30 days leave then, so we may even add a weekend together alone.

So he wants me to look at wedding dresses, told me how much the budget would be, wants me to check into prices for churches and such. I know it would be done at a Unitarian Universalist church and thankfully there is one here if we are still living in this town. There are also some in San Antonio (the other possible wedding site), so I'm pretty covered there.

The bad news is, once they landed, the MAs (master at arms- military police officers), were told they were most likely going to be extended to Cuba or another offshore duty after this year. There is a chance he can get us overseas with him, but if not, he'd be in Cuba another 12 months. Its too soon to know, so I am trying not to freak out about it, but my stomach is tied up in knots just contemplating about it. At least we could break up the time with his visits here and our visits there. I'm just hoping we don't have to.

So... off I go to look at pretty dresses and get some ideas for a very small wedding.

The oldest is home now. He's busy adjusting to a much more lenient environment, filling out applications,chatting up his girlfriend, and playing Counter Strike between trips to store to fulfill his soda craving.

He almost graduated bootcamp. There are two main things in Navy bootcamp that one must get through-- the PFT (physical fitness tests) and Battle Stations. He passed the PFT on a dislocated knee and torn muscle. One day One of Battle Stations, one of his instructors noticed the swollen wrist he had been hiding. He was sent off to the clinic, something he tried to vehemently protest, where they found out he had fractured his wrist. The military doctor that he had seen before was out for the day and the civilian doctor who was standing in is the one that ended his stint at boot camp. I have a feeling my son could have schmoozed the military doc and tried to get through Battle Stations, but this one didn't care one iota that my son wanted to try. He was just two weeks from having a military career and asking his girlfriend to marry him. The really frustrating thing is that several instructors knew he could get through Battle Stations as well and were just as powerless to change the civilian doc's course of action.

My son received two Bravo Zulus while at bootcamp. These are extremely hard to get, especially as an individual. They are positive merits given out by certain members of RDC and his came from the commanding officer. The commanding officer was so impressed with my son that he was told to contact her in a year and she would personally sign any waivers he needed and do her best to see him back at boot camp. I was worried that he would change his mind about a career in the Navy after all of this but one of the first things he said when I picked him up in Nashville was "Mom, I'm not giving up. The only way I'm not going is if they stop me."

So I've gone from thinking my oldest would learn a highly sought skill (he was going to be working with satellites and data retrieval and the like), have medical care for himself and his family, earn the GI Bill yet take college courses for FREE during his first five years in, to hoping that he can find a job at the local pizza joint. We still do not know if we can put our son back on our page 2 (making him our military dependent again), so I don't know if he will have medical care this year. This makes me sick to my stomach, because as you can tell, he's accident prone. One of the reasons I always loved that he became a gaming geek.

His plan right now is to learn how to drive, buy a car, buy a ring for his girlfriend, and save enough money to move to Virginia, where he will enroll in the community college (with said girlfriend). Of course, this hinges on finding a job. You know how the fast food joints are always hiring? Not here. This is a pretty small place and as we drove gathering applications at some local businesses, I realized the fast food places didn't have any hiring signs. He wants a full time job, too and I don't think he will find one here. He also wants to leave as soon as possible. I don't think he realizes just how hard this could be for him.

Maybe I'm just being a negative nelly. I just know I will be doing a lot of talking to him and his girlfriend when she comes to visit in late July. I'm looking forward to seeing her again. I love her to bits.

In other news, the plateau continues... so much so that I am going to restructure the weightloss goals to the right. I am trying hard not to get frustrated. I am working out and trying not to get too panicky. I also need to rework my weightlifting plans. I'm not doing as much as I should be. Not pushing in that area and I know its because of my frustration. I'm also a little worried about burnout-- I hit that in Nebraska, where I couldn't bear to see that weightroom one more time. The one thing that does help is knowing Logan is getting some socializing in with others at the daycare. He doesn't cry anymore at all, in fact he practically runs to the daycare room when we get to the YMCA. What a relief.

Hubby is out of touch right now, not sure when he will be able to contact us. I hope its in the next few days. They are all really busy getting into their new positions at the prisons. Last week they were trained how to deal with the prisoners throwing urine and feces on them. Loads of fun. Hubby has been able to share some stories with me that made me worry for his personal safety, but he assured me he will follow all the guidelines. Its weird for us to have him down there, considering our personal views on the camps, but at least I know one guard down there that will flip out if he sees anything untoward or out of line while he is there. I'd share our take on the camps if I felt there would be no backlash on hubby, but since there is even a remote possibility there could be, I'm staying mum on that subject.

A lot of my focus right now is on not killing my almost 13 year old daughter. I don't even know where to begin on that one, so I'll leave it for another day.

Well, this morning's weighin was 162 pounds. I gritted my teeth and went searching for the measuring tape. If I didn't see a change I was going to freak out.

I did lose 5 inches overall in the last 30 days, with 1.5 inches in my waistline and an inch in my ribcage.

I will take it and smile.

Logan's whacky bedtimes are no more. Looks like he is trying to give up his naps most days and he has gone to bed between 7-8:30pm most of the last few days. Which has been great for me. I still get to play my game and get to bed before midnight. I wake him up at 8am.

Gotta go, he decided its time to play!