Logan is sixteen months old now. He's got a ton of teeth (it seems) and enjoys trying new foods. He babbles all day, but the only phrase we really understand is 'don don', which is how he says thank you. He can definately understand what we say and he loves to chat with the family. His older brother has begun spending more time with him. I think the oldest is realizing he's going to miss a lot of Logan's development, so he's taking advantage of the time he has left at home.
Logan waves 'bye bye' to everyone- the family, the television, strangers in stores. He pitches his only real temper tantrums when Daddy goes to work. They do not last long, but its hard on Daddy to hear. Logan plays with our shoes and tries to put them on. He loves wearing his own shoes because he knows it means we are either going to the store or he is going to play in the backyard. He also loves the park slides, but is not interested in the swings anymore.
And I think that's it for the toddler news.

I'm happy with exceeding my goal for the month. However, I am not thrilled with my attitude towards exercise this month. Not at all. I've promised myself November will be differant. Yesterday we went out and priced weight benches and we were surprised how affordable they are, well within our budget. We also saw a dual elliptical & strength trainer. I didn't even know those existed. It was a tad more than I'm willing to spend, though. All the really good stuff is, of course.

I've been thinking a lot about how this surgery and the weightloss have changed my life. I am no longer in pain, my blood pressure is even better than it was, I am more active, and I feel so much better about my future. I am more positive and upbeat. My house is clean 90% of the time, a huge improvement for my family and me. I have much more energy to keep up with the littlest, which is a blessing. I am beating up on myself less than I was before and its a relief. I have no regrets and that is exactly how I wish to live my life.

I've been playing EQ2 with my friends in the evenings and its been great fun. It suprises me how long I've known them and that we have been able to follow each other from game to game. My son plays with us, too, so I get added bonus time with him. We are all going to feel the hole he will leave when he goes to boot camp.

I know NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow. I'm not doing it this year, but I have decided to journal here every single day. I'll write before checking in with my friends online.

I felt better after venting in that post. Comments I've dealt with recently have been overblown and false mortality rates and ignorant statements over the percentage of people who regain the weight they lost post-surgery. It irritates me to no end that public figures spout this stuff in public venues and its taken as fact by the masses.

I did watch the Oprah show on transference addiction in WLS patients. Although they targeted WLS patients, the truth is, this could happen to anyone who loses a major amount of weight. I know I've seen a few on the forums I'm active on- one that especially bothers me is a local lady who looks anorexic. I read her journal and its obvious she has replaced food with an exercise addiction. Its scary to watch, really.

Oprah brought up that 30% of WLS patients suffer from addictions post-surgery. Which means that 70% of WLS patients do not. She would have had a better well-rounded show if she had women on who had not had surgery of any kind, lost weight, and also faced their inner demons. I know that many of the posters who participated in sharing their story with the Oprah show felt betrayed. The show asked for stories from WLS patients, but addiction was never mentioned.

I've read posts by people who have had complications afterwards, but overwhelmingly they will repeat that they do not regret their decision and would do it again.

Carnie Wilson showed up on the show and I just have to say she is beginning to irritate me. Her weight gain was directly related to her pregnancy. She's working hard now to lose the pregnancy weight, but in the end that does not matter whether she does or not. She has lost her previous excess weight and kept the majority of it off. Hers is a success story, even if she isn't a size 8 anymore. She is no longer morbidly obese. And that is what this surgery is about. It isn't about being super-thin, super-sexy, but about getting to a healthier weight, even if that weight still categorizes you as obese.

She irritated me on Oprah simply because I felt her tears were put on and insincere. I just didn't buy it. I'm tired of hearing about her addictions and poor little girl story. I’m over it. Its also got me thinking she's just a tad loony.

Anyway- on to other things!

We pick up our new couch tomorrow. We found one with a fabric that is easier to care for with a toddler and will hide those pesky toddler stains. Happy day. It has a matching chair we are putting on order this weekend.

I'm happy with my numbers for October, although I should have pumped up the exercise. Working on that for November.

I'm speaking to my sister again. More on that later.

Off to take care of Logan, who is cutting his remaining two molars at the same time. He also has a little cold, poor baby.

I feel so bad that I have not checked in. I've been keeping myself busy with getting the house in better shape. Cleaning, re-organizing, dumping out items we no longer use or need, and donating old clothing. Today I finally set aside my 'fat clothes' that I can't wear anymore. Now Im using my not-as-fat pieces and stealing my husband's shirts.

I tried to keep wearing the clothes I wore prior to surgery, but I finally realized that with over 40 pounds lost now, they are just too big. I am surprised that this caused me any anxiety, but I was extremely reluctant to let go of them. I have had most of these items for three years now. I took very good care of them so I wouldn't be forced to buy myself clothing in those sizes. It helped that I had our tight budget to blame for this, but honestly, I just didn't want to spend money on myself. I was so sick of being relegated to a small section in a store, which was almost always merged with the maternity section.

I am honestly dreading dropping off the clothes tomorrow. Part of me still believes, as crazy as it is, that I will gain my weight back in the next few weeks and I will need those items. My husband has been pointing out that they do not fit for a few weeks now and reminds me that I will never, ever wear those sizes again. I am having a difficult time wrapping my brain around that idea-- that I will indeed be successful in reaching my goals and YES, I will be able to continue at a healthy weight. I have beat myself up for so long that a part of me refuses to believe in myself. I've considered going to my marriage counselor for some individual counseling (it would be free for me through her) so that I can really be prepared for these changes.

I do my best not to worry that I will be the one that this surgery doesn't work for, that I will be one of those people who's issues with food are just rooted so deeply that absolutely nothing will help them. I know that this isn't true. I know it in my gut. So why do I have this mean little voice in my head trying to convince me otherwise? Perhaps its because of some of the comments made by ignorant people about this surgery and about the people who have it. I let it get to me and I shouldn't. Yesterday it was Rosie O'Donnell on The View, a couple weeks ago it was a fellow weightloss journaller, and about a month ago it was that nut Susan Powter.

I hear their crap and their misinformed opinions and I get angry. Then the little voice in my head starts nagging me that maybe they are right, maybe Im wrong, I'm just going to screw this up and this sacrifice isn't worth it. Thank God its a very small part of me. I did not do this on a lark, I did not do this without research, and I did not do this without the support of my doctors. Why the fuck should I care that some idiot spews stupidity about gastric bypass? I know its because it bothers me to have those same ignorant people look askew at people like me and sit in judgement. They haven't been in my shoes, they do not and do not want to understand, and it bothers me that they feel so fucking goddamn superior while doing it.

Fuckers.

We went out to eat at Village Inn and I was able to order a kid's plate and share it with Logan. We had scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. I ate half the scrambled egg and a portion of the toast, only the fourth time since July 25th that I have had bread of any kind. Logan ate the bacon, I skipped it since it was too fatty for my taste.

So our clan headed to the furniture store and chose a new sectional that we would like to purchase in a month. We are waiting to hear about our next duty station first. If our orders are for Italy, we can't get the sectional as it would be too big for any possible apartments or Italian homes we could end up in. Hubby was not given orders this cycle, so today he put in a new list and we will find out those results the first week of November. I was surprised just how sad I was that we didn't receive orders to Italy. I didn't realize just how much I was looking forward to Europe.

This time the top of our list included Italy, Guam, and Spain. The last choices were two unaccompanied slots for hubby at Guantanamo Bay and Bahrain, which are each a year long. We would stay here in Virginia Beach while he was gone. I'm really hoping we'll get anything accompanied and avoid a year seperation.

Hubby even put in for positions that would place him on a ship or a mobile unit in the hopes it would help us get to an overseas duty station. We have enjoyed our times overseas and look forward to more.

Still pricing weight benches, but now I am also watching the classifieds for used ones. On Monday, my oldest has agreed to watch Logan so I can hit the base gym for an hour in the mornings. Its time to get back in shape!

Just 3 1/2 pounds away from my Halloween goal! I'm really happy that I have been able to stick to the rules and have had little problems. My life is all about the protein now. Unfortunately, it seems Wendy's Chili is the only thing lately that my stomach wants to deal with in the meat department. Since I know my sensitivities will change as time goes by, I just keep trying small bits of other things when we go out. I have not gotten sick while we are out to eat, yet, but I figure it will happen sometime. I think if you expect it you will be better prepared when it happens.

I've been doing sumo squats twice a day and crawling around the floor with Logan more often. I'm really seeing changes in my upper thighs and knees. Good stuff.

The kids have been spending more time downstairs lately. Now that Logan 'talks' to them and responds to questions, I think they find him more interesting. Its going to be very strange in March when my oldest leaves our home for boot camp. I realized today that in just 5 1/2 years our daughter will be 18 and preparing to take off on her own. We'll be retiring from the military and starting the next phase of our lives. I will probably be starting my own career at 42. Logan will practically be an only child. I worry that he will be lonely, but I've decided he's the last.

We discussed having one more child, but I know I do not have the inclination to have two little ones in diapers at the same time. There is a part of me that does not want to share my attention with another child-- I am feeling very protective of my time with Logan. That right there is a good reason to put away any thought of another baby. Let Logan have my time to himself. We have three and that's plenty.

I had my two month checkup with the clinic and all is well. They are very pleased with my progress. They warned me that it will begin to slow down and I will hit some stalls inthe next couple months. That's fine. I am very happy to be where I am. I just want to do it right and so far do good! My diet and exercise allowances have been advanced to 'anything goes' so I have tried a few more things this week.

I ate part of a tamale the other day, but what I actually did was open the tamale up and eat the meat inside first (pork), then I ate about a third of the cornmeal(??) around it. I felt comfortable after eating and it was really nice to have something other than chicken. Last night I ate a small peach (after skinning it). I also tried Quaker Soy Crisps (White Cheddar flavor)-- awesome! Nice little protein source and perfect for snacking on. I placed an ounce of 2%Milk Mild Cheddar slices and a bit of salsa on mine. A healthy version of nachos. I ate this for breakfast this morning.

Today Logan and I walked to the Walgreens up the road to pick up more Triple Paste. I love this stuff- its wonderful for rashes. I could have easily waited to get a hold of the Escape when hubby got home, but I am going to start running errands on foot when I can. Next month the base gate next to our neighborhood reopens (its under construction currently) and when it does I plan to walk there tp pick up things at least twice a week. The commissary, Navy Exchange, library, and gym are all within walking distance of the gate. If I wanted to, I could also walk to the beach on base, which would give me about 4 miles roundtrip.

I have been doing arm exercises and I am really surprised by my range of motion now. The other day, while on the way to the surgeon's clinic, I actually turned in my seat to talk to Logan. I have not been able to turn like that in three years. I did it without thinking and I gasped when I realized what I was doing. Hubby noticed it, too and he was thrilled. So that would probably be my first "WOW" moment. It really did take me by surprise.

Ok, Im off to play EverQuest 2 for a couple hours before crawling into bed. Its not a complete day if I haven't done something completely geeky.

This is me the night before surgery.


This is me on August 26th, 4 weeks post op.


This is me on September 20th,almost 8 weeks post-op.


I am glad I have a camera, because it took the pictures for me to really see the changes my body is making. I know I have lost a lot of weight and that I am feeling much lighter, but you still feel as big as you were sometimes.

I also keep track of my measurements, which has been a huge help, especially during a weightloss stall. Very disconcerting to workout and eat so little and not see any changes. The measurements keep your head on right.

Today I weighed in at 201.5 pounds. I am ecstatic. I lost 15 pounds this month, beating the goal I set for myself. This last week was one of the best for me. Not once did I eat too quickly and make myself uncomfortable. I did not throw up at all, either. I am finally getting into the swing of this and feeling more confident. I have not told myself I am just going to fail at this, too, like I did a lot last month.

I took my measurements this morning as well. Total inches lost for September is 11.25". Total inches lost overall since surgery? 28.75"

Because I am short, I do not see dramatic clothing size changes like other post-ops. This does frustrate me, but since I'm looking and feeling better, I think I can live with that. I'm back in size 18/20s and they are no longer tight. I am also fitting into some of hubby's shirts and some items I bought for myself when I went back to UNL. That feels so good.

Other news--

My oldest son is now enlisted in the Navy and leaves March 7, 2007. He got one of the job rates he wanted -- Cryptological Technician- Technical (CTT). He scored extremely well on the ASVAB, so they tried to get him to pick the nuclear field, but he told me he would not be able to take the stress of that job (smart guy), and chose this instead. Here is a link to a description of the CTT field (which has also merged with the Electronic Warfare rate). He received a $7000 enlistment bonus which pays out when he finishes boot camp at Great Lakes and his "A" school in Pensacoloa, Florida. He is extremely happy that he got this job rate. He is also happy that he will be here for his girlfriend's 18th birthday.

If we get lucky, we will not leave for our duty station until after he graduates boot camp. I really want to be there to see him.